How to .... make a fool of yourself in front of the locals.
Dec 13, 2014 20:49:13 GMT
nomad, homard, and 1 more like this
Post by cabintom on Dec 13, 2014 20:49:13 GMT
How to .... make a fool of yourself in front of the locals.
This is by no means a completely comprehensive guide on the subject (... well not yet), but testing has in fact demonstrated that the methods here included are indeed successful 100% of the time.
METHOD #1
1) As you are walking along a beautiful forest path, take a moment to be polite and stop to talk to the tiny old lady carrying the huge jug of water on her head.
2) Interrupt mid conversation (which will be entirely confusing by the way, since neither of you share a common language) when you spot an unknown but absolutely stunning large orange and tailed lep flying around a bush just off trail.
3) Quickly maneuver your net in the ready position, and dash headlong towards the insect.
4) Promptly place your foot squarely into a knee deep hole, and crash face first to the ground.
5) Immediately and violently extricate yourself from the present position, all the while trying to ignore the horrible possibilities of what you might have just stepped on at the bottom of the hole.
*Note: Employing a sufficient amount of flailing and appropriately pitched cries of exclamation can greatly improve the effects of this particular step.
6) Wonder how the mystery lep and old woman could vanish so quickly into the forest.
7) Realize that you'll be the talk of the town for the remainder of your vacation.
METHOD #2
1) Spend the better part of a week trying to net a specimen of Eronia leda.
2) Spot one flying low to the ground a short distance away.
3) With wild abandon, launch yourself headlong towards the butterfly.
4) As you get into range, swiftly and authoritatively sweep your net downwards, effectively missing your target and jamming the net directly into the ground, while, simultaneously, tripping over an unnoticed log and flinging your body in a manner vaguely reminiscent of an Olympic gymnastics floor routine, all the while also snapping your net handle in two and jabbing yourself in the gut.
5) Over the next few days ignore the sniggers of the many school children who witnessed the whole thing.
METHOD #3
1) Chase a spectacular large blue-green butterfly down an unknown forest path, losing it as it dives off into the thick forest undergrowth.
2) Stand there, out of breath and wistfully imagining what could have been had it not evaded you.
3) Suddenly and violently realize you most assuredly haven't evaded the soldier ants now vigorously defending the ant hill you've been standing on.
4) YELL, RUN, and FLAIL! (This best done all at the same time.)
5) Once you put a fairly significant distance between yourself and the angry ant swarm, proceed to hit yourself repeatedly in an effort to rid yourself of the biting ants.
*Note: Don't worry about bruising yourself, this is likely inevitable but well worthwhile.
6) Realize the ants are IN your clothes.
7) Strip. (Remember to take a moment to ponder removing your undergarments as well. The ants have not been shy invading your personal space, and are likely to have made their way to... well, let's just say the prospects can be quite frightening.)
8) After some minutes of scouring every inch of your body and clothing, and removing every offending insect, get dressed and go about your way as though nothing happened.
*Note: You will always miss one ant which will inevitably bite into you sometime later when you no longer expect it.
9) Promptly encounter a small (and incredibly quiet) group of pygmy women from the nearby village.
10) Wonder how much they saw.
This is by no means a completely comprehensive guide on the subject (... well not yet), but testing has in fact demonstrated that the methods here included are indeed successful 100% of the time.
METHOD #1
1) As you are walking along a beautiful forest path, take a moment to be polite and stop to talk to the tiny old lady carrying the huge jug of water on her head.
2) Interrupt mid conversation (which will be entirely confusing by the way, since neither of you share a common language) when you spot an unknown but absolutely stunning large orange and tailed lep flying around a bush just off trail.
3) Quickly maneuver your net in the ready position, and dash headlong towards the insect.
4) Promptly place your foot squarely into a knee deep hole, and crash face first to the ground.
5) Immediately and violently extricate yourself from the present position, all the while trying to ignore the horrible possibilities of what you might have just stepped on at the bottom of the hole.
*Note: Employing a sufficient amount of flailing and appropriately pitched cries of exclamation can greatly improve the effects of this particular step.
6) Wonder how the mystery lep and old woman could vanish so quickly into the forest.
7) Realize that you'll be the talk of the town for the remainder of your vacation.
METHOD #2
1) Spend the better part of a week trying to net a specimen of Eronia leda.
2) Spot one flying low to the ground a short distance away.
3) With wild abandon, launch yourself headlong towards the butterfly.
4) As you get into range, swiftly and authoritatively sweep your net downwards, effectively missing your target and jamming the net directly into the ground, while, simultaneously, tripping over an unnoticed log and flinging your body in a manner vaguely reminiscent of an Olympic gymnastics floor routine, all the while also snapping your net handle in two and jabbing yourself in the gut.
5) Over the next few days ignore the sniggers of the many school children who witnessed the whole thing.
METHOD #3
1) Chase a spectacular large blue-green butterfly down an unknown forest path, losing it as it dives off into the thick forest undergrowth.
2) Stand there, out of breath and wistfully imagining what could have been had it not evaded you.
3) Suddenly and violently realize you most assuredly haven't evaded the soldier ants now vigorously defending the ant hill you've been standing on.
4) YELL, RUN, and FLAIL! (This best done all at the same time.)
5) Once you put a fairly significant distance between yourself and the angry ant swarm, proceed to hit yourself repeatedly in an effort to rid yourself of the biting ants.
*Note: Don't worry about bruising yourself, this is likely inevitable but well worthwhile.
6) Realize the ants are IN your clothes.
7) Strip. (Remember to take a moment to ponder removing your undergarments as well. The ants have not been shy invading your personal space, and are likely to have made their way to... well, let's just say the prospects can be quite frightening.)
8) After some minutes of scouring every inch of your body and clothing, and removing every offending insect, get dressed and go about your way as though nothing happened.
*Note: You will always miss one ant which will inevitably bite into you sometime later when you no longer expect it.
9) Promptly encounter a small (and incredibly quiet) group of pygmy women from the nearby village.
10) Wonder how much they saw.
so a few that still do appear thus 
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